If You’re Going to Lose a War, Where Better Than France?
A historic treaty, a four-course dinner, and a $300 billion tip
Launching his war against Iran, Trump promised unconditional surrender. He never said it would be ours.
Trump signed something resembling a peace agreement with Iran Wednesday inside the Palace of Versailles.
Because if you’re going to lose a war, where better than France?
Theoretically, the Senate was supposed to approve this treaty to end a war that was supposed to be declared by Congress.
But for Trump, America’s Constitution isn’t worth the paper it’s written on, just like the deal he just struck with Iran.
Before the signing ceremony, France’s president gave Trump a tour of Versailles.
Soaking in the palace’s bouillabaisse of gaudy Baroque architecture mixed with tasteless Rococo furniture set against the neoclassical excesses of brightly colored marble, Trump asked, “So, where are all the slot machines?”
Versailles is what you build in Atlantic City, New Jersey, when you’re trying to impress degenerate gamblers from Nutley.
Trump kept looking for the all-you-can-eat shrimp buffet and where Ann-Margret was performing.
Trump strolled Versailles’s famed Hall of Mirrors. Despite accidentally catching a glimpse of his own reflection, he still wanted to eat.
It was during dinner Trump signed this historic document. The only thing missing was Neville Chamberlain waving it while declaring, “Peace in our time.”
Trump would only sign the accord after being served a four-course dinner including lobster and caviar. Because he insists, “Never agree to anything on an empty diaper.”
Trump, holding his pen, sat there, three scoops of vanilla ice cream to his right, the peace accord to his left, as our Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, hovered above him.
While signing the document, Trump growled for fear Rubio would steal from his bowl.
Our First Lady couldn’t attend. Melania was disappointed because she loves visiting Versailles, especially the room where Marie Antoinette stored all her meme coins.
France’s First Lady, Brigitte Macron, was there.
Brigitte is old enough to be Emmanuel Macron’s mother. And Melania is young enough to be Donald Trump’s former mistress whom he stopped sleeping with 20 years ago after she got way too old.
Well, it was quite the evening for Donald Trump. Dinner plus a peace deal.
And Trump must have enjoyed that meal, because he left the Iranians a $300 billion tip.
What does he care? It’s not like he’s paying for it.
Supposedly, Iran is now the beneficiary of a $300 billion reconstruction fund. I’m sorry, did I say Iran? I meant, Jared Kushner is now the beneficiary of a 300-billion-dollar reconstruction fund.
The agreement is not going over well with Republicans. Louisiana Senator Bill Cassidy, Republican, said if Ronald Reagan saw this deal with the Iranians, he’d be “rolling over in his grave.” Probably because it doesn’t include trading arms for hostages.
Texas Republican Senator Ted Cruz criticized the Iran deal, saying, “Giving billions of dollars to theocratic lunatics is not a good idea.”
Agreed. So, defund Pete Hegseth’s Pentagon.